M.I.A.

No major problems with Stuart Lancaster’s England squad for the tour of South Africa other than the absence of:

o Billy 36 – can’t help feel that England are missing a huge trick here.

o Jonny May – a star in the making, get him involved now.

o Steffon Armitage – obviously exceptional form does not = exceptional circumstances.

Five

Today this humble little blog is 5 years old.

And in that time over 250,000 of you have visited to view this nonsense.

You'd have thought that both you and I would have grown out of it by now...

Sharks Attacked

Well done to Steve Diamond and Sale for fielding a starting XV consisting of entirely English-qualified players against Quins at the weekend.

Who gives a hoot if their primary motivation was to secure £200,000 in extra funding from the RFU. Their young, hungry, English players were arguably more competitive than any "first choice" Sale XV might have been and I wish more clubs would follow suit.

Integrity of the league? Bollocks.

Sale should be applauded, not criticised. Messrs Cockerill and Griffiths take note.

Whatever happened to: Proper Rugby Kit?

Those familiar with my inane drivel will confirm that I often get a bee in my bonnet about kit design.

Some might even say that I’m a tad obsessed but it is my submission, m’lord, that it is all with good reason and it seems entirely appropriate that Proper Rugby Kit should make it into my sporadic series of nostalgic ramblings about aspects of the game that appear to have vanished...

When I began playing rugby in 1979 rugby kit had barely changed in 100 years, specifically:

- Heavy cotton rugby shirts, with collar and a couple of buttons down the front, in plain colours, hooped or, for the more avant-garde teams, quartered design. And long sleeves, always long sleeves, so that you could roll them up or (as became the fashion in the 1990s) hack them off with scissors. 

 - Sturdy cotton shorts in plain white, black or navy. With pockets, always with pockets, for storage of gumshield, sweets and cigarettes.

- Cotton/wool socks, plain, topped or, for team that likes to show off, hooped. Socks that didn’t stay up, no matter how many rolls of electrical tape were used.

Club colours and designs remained the same year on year and, despite the occasional embellishment here and there and the appearance of sponsors’ logos as money reared its ugly head, for many years little changed.

And then it did.

Pinpointing when it happened is difficult. Some say the England World Cup team of 2003, others point to the All Blacks in 1999. What is clear though is that now we are left with:

- Skin tight, lycra based, round-necked t-shirts with no collars. Even when not featuring incomprehensibly lurid designs they are invariably festooned with a myriad of sponsor logos and emblems – on the front, on the sleeve, on the back, down the side, on the inside? And short sleeves, always short sleeves, so that anyone wanting long sleeves has to squeeze into an even tighter base layer worn underneath.

- Tight, shiny, genital-hugging shorts, colours to match the t-shirt, which frankly wouldn’t look out of place in a San Francisco nightclub. And no pockets.

- Lycra-infused socks that attach themselves to the calves like clingfilm and take an age to put on and take off.

What next? Aussie-rules style vest and budgie smugglers?

Contrary to popular belief I am not an utter Luddite and do appreciate that the modern professional game needs to move on and that technological advancements in kit design are inevitable (despite unintended consequences like the impossibility of getting a decent bind in the scrum).

Sadly, however, such ‘advancements’ are not limited to the professional game and it has become all too commonplace for the slightly less toned athletes amongst us to have to squeeze into such lycra abominations. There is only so long one can hold one’s breath, after all.

No, rugby kit that fits and looks like proper rugby kit – is that too much to ask?

The Wisdom of William John Heaton Greenwood

Fantastic quote from Will Greenwood which sums up exactly how I feel about rugby and why I'm still running round making a fool of myself on the touch rugby field:

"You don’t always win, you don’t always play well. What counts is the feeling of unity that being part of a team brings."

Amateur Hour

Farcical doesn’t begin to describe the position at the bottom of the English Premiership.

Ostensibly the result of the Wasps vs Newcastle match will decide which of the 2 teams is relegated to the Championship.

Yet of the 4 teams vying for promotion from the Championship via the play-off system over the next few weeks, only Bristol currently has Premier Rugby approval for its ground and facilities. London Welsh don’t have primacy of tenure while Cornish Pirates and Bedford appear to be a urinal or two short of the required standard, or some such bollocks.

It appears therefore that whoever is ‘relegated’ stands a fair chance (75% as things currently stand) of not being relegated at all, but still might be. And in the meantime the ‘relegated’ club is expected to plan for next season. How, exactly?

Only one word for it - amateurish.

Catt in the bag

http://creaturesfeatures.wordpress.com

Surprise, surprise, England's attempts to recruit a backs/attack coach have been utterly shambolic.

First of all Andy Farrell, having been more or less nailed-on, turned the role down (with the Daily Fail claiming Sarries were only offered £60k compensation).

Then Wayne Smith, having issued a thinly veiled “come and get me” plea, decided (after Stuart Lancaster came and got him) that he couldn't take the role for family reasons – a decision which was in no way whatsoever influenced by the subsequent outcry in the NZ media at his possible defection.

So now Mike Catt is in the bag as an interim solution and, assuming he doesn’t cock things up too badly, must have a decent stab at the permanent job – as his new boss will testify, possession is nine tenths of the law.

Tigers get shirty

Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

This, apparently, is the new Leicester Tigers shirt for next season, as designed by new kit partner Canterbury.

I have no real interest in Leicester (other then having played against their Colts team many moons ago) but this is just truly horrible.

And yes, I do see what Canterbury have done by weaving the traditional Leicester colours into ‘Tiger’ stripes - it must have taken at least a few seconds to come up with that stroke of genius.

Canterbury will become England’s kit partner later this year and, on this evidence, the omens are not good.

Wasps refreshing the parts...

Bizarre news today that, after a truly miserable season, Wasps may somehow end up with a place in next season's Heineken Cup draw. This despite currently being under threat of both relegation and administration.

If either Clermont Auvergne (not beyond the realms of possibility) or Edinburgh (not so likely) win this year's competition then apparently Wasps, as the next best ERC ranked team based on their European performances in over the past 4 seasons, would secure the 24th place in next season’s tournament (provided always that they can retain their Premiership status with a single bonus point against Newcastle in the final game of the season).

No, I don’t understand it either.

Champions!

Well done to Chesham RFC’s 3^rd XV who, by virtue of their victory over Letchworth 4ths last Saturday, were crowned winners of the Herts & Middlesex Merit Table 7 Plate.

No, I’ve no idea what that is either but, hey, don’t knock it - a trophy is a trophy.

The reason I mention it is that a number of former colleagues from the Vets XV now play for the 3rds (a 3^rd XV having replaced the Vets at Chesham a couple of seasons back). I guess, therefore, that it’s the team I’d play for at Chesham if I could be arsed – there are reasons (excuses) why I haven’t been playing but ultimately it’s my loss.

Congrats to all involved...

This is likely to happen...

...before David Campese coaches England.

Pilou Pilou

News from across the Channel where, in a somewhat surprising move, reasonably well-heeled owner of RC Toulonnais, Mourad Boudjellal, is set to announce that his club will now sign every player currently plying their trade in northern hemisphere rugby.

Toulon have already confirmed that they will next season add the likes of Gethin Jenkins, Delon & Guy Armitage, Andrew Sheridan, Chris Masoe, Maxime Mermoz and Frederic Michalak to their collection of galacticos at the Stade Mayol.

The constant announcements have, however, put a strain on the club’s resources.

“It’s easier this way,” a club spokesman told us. “If a player reaches the end of his contract at his club, whoever he is, I think it’s safe to assume that we’ll sign him.

“Have you any idea how much time and effort I have to put in to announcing new signings? Sometimes I even have to interrupt my lunch.

“The salary cap? Sorry I don’t understand the question.”

In other news, out-of-contract former England centre Mike Tindall is still searching for a club for next season.